phosphenes.

twospookywhiskey:

elysedc:

The ultimate dad joke compilation

THIS IS MY DAD HE DOES ALL OF THESE THINGS AND MORE

  • when i got an msn account i left it open like all the cool kids and somebody messaged me when he was checking something online and he was convinced they were a terrorist hacker and lectured them on how disappointed their mother must be in them
  • my brother (who just turned 17 today) asked for suggestions for his birthday wish and my dad said “a rise in gold stock”
  • he tucks in plaid shirts under his belt sometimes and doesn’t notice
  • he once bought us all brand new cordless phones because he was convinced they were the future because they had an answering machine that could do accents
  • thought an app on his phone he saw on tv could detect ghosts
  • he once shaved off his moustache, changed his glasses/hairstyle, and sat at the table making zombie noises to scare us as we walked downstairs because he was bored. it didn’t grow back for a month
  • whenever i want to fix a problem he directs me to the roll of electrical tape he gave me as a child
  • he “fixed” my computer when i was working on changing the power supply and all he did was lose the cord that put power to the blu ray reader. he still thinks he “fixed” it
  • his google search is zoomed in 200% but “that’s how it’s supposed to look”
  • he thinks ancient aliens is real because “the tv can’t show fake things about the illuminati” and yells at you if you remind him it’s fake
  • he shaved his moustache to look like “chaplin” (read: hitler) in the 90s to piss my mother off after a bet she lost and kept insisting it was a homage to charlie chaplin to everyone who asked
  • always answers the phone in different accents to throw people off
  • one time i got stranded in a blizzard at the mall without a coat or a phone and he circled the mall 4 times and missed me every time until i ran up to his car and flagged him down
  • he got everyone a “firetruck” calendar for christmas and claimed it was sexy firetrucks. we all thought he meant firefighters. it was literal pictures of firetrucks taken on a digital camera.
  • he showed up to the wrong house more than once to get me from sleeping over at my now-ex’s and was visibly upset when i didn’t answer the door

jeza-red:

marguerite26:

kk-maker:

2spoopy5you:

lohelim:

winterthirst:

sabacc:

Steve Rogers did, in fact, realize that something was off when he saw the outline of the woman’s odd bra (a push-up bra, he would later learn), but being an officer and a gentleman, he said that it was the game that gave the future away.

 (via)

No, see, this scene is just amazing. The costume department deserves so many kudos for this, it’s unreal, especially given the fact that they pulled off Peggy pretty much flawlessly.

1) Her hair is completely wrong for the 40’s. No professional/working woman  would have her hair loose like that. Since they’re trying to pass this off as a military hospital, Steve would know that she would at least have her hair carefully pulled back, if maybe not in the elaborate coiffures that would have been popular.

2) Her tie? Too wide, too long. That’s a man’s tie, not a woman’s. They did, however, get the knot correct as far as I can see - that looks like a Windsor.

3) That. Bra. There is so much clashing between that bra and what Steve would expect (remember, he worked with a bunch of women for a long time) that it has to be intentional. She’s wearing a foam cup, which would have been unheard of back then. It’s also an exceptionally old or ill-fitting bra - why else can you see the tops of the cups? No woman would have been caught dead with misbehaving lingerie like that back then, and the soft satin cups of 40’s lingerie made it nearly impossible anyway. Her breasts are also sitting at a much lower angle than would be acceptable in the 40’s.

Look at his eyes. He knows by the time he gets to her hair that something is very, very wrong.

so what you are saying is S.H.E.I.L.D. has a super shitty costume division….

Nope, Nick Fury totally did this on purpose.

There’s no knowing what kind of condition Steve’s in, or what kind of person he really is, after decades of nostalgia blur the reality and the long years in the ice (after a plane crash and a shitload of radiation) do their work. (Pre-crash Steve is in lots of files, I’m sure. Nick Fury does not trust files.) So Fury instructs his people to build a stage, and makes sure that the right people put up some of the wrong cues.

Maybe the real Steve’s a dick, or just an above-average jock; maybe he had a knack for hanging out with real talent. Maybe he hit his head too hard on the landing and he’s not gonna be Captain anymore. On the flipside, if he really is smart, then putting him in a standard, modern hospital room and telling him the truth is going to have him clamming up and refusing to believe a goddamn thing he hears for a really long time.

The real question here is, how long it does it take for the man, the myth, the legend to notice? What does he do about it? How long does he wait to get his bearings, confirm his suspicions, and gather information before attempting busting out?

Turns out the answer’s about forty-five seconds.

Sometimes clever posts die a quiet death in the abyss of the unreblogged. Some clever posts get attention, get comments, get better. Then there’s this one which I’ve watched evolve into a thing of brilliance.

durkin62:

We still haven’t even gotten past the 19th century yet around here. 

durkin62:

We still haven’t even gotten past the 19th century yet around here. 

genderconjurer:

chutzpadik:

hi yeah this is your daily killjoy reminder that if ur an adult on tumblr u need to be very careful about maintaining boundaries between yourself and your minor followers/friends

yeah like if one of your younger followers tells you to unfollow because it’s making them uncomfortable, fucking do it 

don’t get me started on how many actual fucking adults refuse to unfollow a minor on here

it’s goddamn creepy

feministroosterteeth:

isthisableism:

Washington Post: Grand jury rejects criminal charges in death of Robert Saylor, man with Down syndrome
Robert Saylor, a 26-year-old man with Down syndrome, sat in a movie theatre after having watched a movie, acting as if he was going to sit through the movie again without buying another ticket.That prompted three police officers to kill him.Friday, a grand jury determined that no crime was committed, even though his death was ruled a homicide.

When someone is killed over a movie ticket (or less, in recent incidents), you know things are truly, irretrievably fucked up in our society.

feministroosterteeth:

isthisableism:

Washington Post: Grand jury rejects criminal charges in death of Robert Saylor, man with Down syndrome

Robert Saylor, a 26-year-old man with Down syndrome, sat in a movie theatre after having watched a movie, acting as if he was going to sit through the movie again without buying another ticket.

That prompted three police officers to kill him.

Friday, a grand jury determined that no crime was committed, even though his death was ruled a homicide.

When someone is killed over a movie ticket (or less, in recent incidents), you know things are truly, irretrievably fucked up in our society.

riceisholy:

tamorapierce:

revivedspirit:

8randnew:

bromancing-the-stone:

hitlerch4n:

ledi-babushka-soski:

weloveinterracial:

Black Teen With White Parents Mistaken For Burglar, Assaulted By Cops In His Own Home
‘Put your hands on the door, I was like, ‘For what? This is my house.’ Police pointed at photos of white people hanging on the wall and told him that he was lying.
A North Carolina teen was recently assaulted and pepper sprayed by police in his own home, after he was mistaken for a burglar.  18-year-old DeShawn Currie has been living with foster parents Ricky and Stacy Tyler in Wake County, North Carolina for about a year.
The Tylers love DeShawn as their own son and they have taken him into their home, in hopes to provide him the safe and loving environment that he needs to thrive in the most important years of his life.
Unfortunately, some of the Tyler’s neighbors were not familiar with the family dynamics of the home, and decided to call the police to report a burglary when they saw the young man entering his home after school one day.  DeShawn did not climb through a window or struggle to get inside, but simply walked through the unlocked door of the home.  The only thing that actually made his neighbors suspicious, was the color of his skin.
When police arrived on the scene they treated DeShawn like a criminal without asking any questions.
“They was like, ‘Put your hands on the door, I was like, ‘For what? This is my house.’ I was like, ‘Why are y’all in here?” DeShawn said in an interview.
When DeShawn asked the officers why they were in his home, they pointed at photos of white people hanging on the wall and told him that he was lying.
“I’m feeling comfortable, I had moved into my room, and I’m feeling like I’m loved. And then when they come in and they just profile me and say that I’m not who I am. And that I do not stay here because there was white kids on the wall, that really made me mad,” DeShawn later told reporters.
During the entire altercation, police were shouting profanity at the young man, and pointing multiple guns at his face.  When DeShawn stood firm and insisted that he was in fact in his own home, police attacked him with pepper spray.
When Stacy Tyler came home from work she saw her son DeShawn in the driveway being treated by paramedics for the injuries that police had inflicted.
“My 5-year-old last night, she looked at me and said, ‘Mama I don’t understand why they hated our brother, and they had to come in and hurt him,” Stay Tyler told reporters.
“Everything that we’ve worked so hard for in the past years was stripped away yesterday in just a matter of moments,” father Ricky Tyler added.
The police department has defended their actions, saying that that DeShawn did not obey the officer’s orders to the letter, despite the fact that they were intruders in his home and had no right to be there barking orders at him.

Now this is something to bring attention to.

Yes

This is disgusting.

Mother. Fucking. Pigs.

This made me tear up.

profiling pigs.  No justice for young black men, or even a phone call to his foster parents to ask them.  Cops just think if a young man is black, he’s doing something criminal.

Fucking pigs

riceisholy:

tamorapierce:

revivedspirit:

8randnew:

bromancing-the-stone:

hitlerch4n:

ledi-babushka-soski:

weloveinterracial:

Black Teen With White Parents Mistaken For Burglar, Assaulted By Cops In His Own Home

‘Put your hands on the door, I was like, ‘For what? This is my house.’ Police pointed at photos of white people hanging on the wall and told him that he was lying.

A North Carolina teen was recently assaulted and pepper sprayed by police in his own home, after he was mistaken for a burglar.  18-year-old DeShawn Currie has been living with foster parents Ricky and Stacy Tyler in Wake County, North Carolina for about a year.

The Tylers love DeShawn as their own son and they have taken him into their home, in hopes to provide him the safe and loving environment that he needs to thrive in the most important years of his life.

Unfortunately, some of the Tyler’s neighbors were not familiar with the family dynamics of the home, and decided to call the police to report a burglary when they saw the young man entering his home after school one day.  DeShawn did not climb through a window or struggle to get inside, but simply walked through the unlocked door of the home.  The only thing that actually made his neighbors suspicious, was the color of his skin.

When police arrived on the scene they treated DeShawn like a criminal without asking any questions.

“They was like, ‘Put your hands on the door, I was like, ‘For what? This is my house.’ I was like, ‘Why are y’all in here?” DeShawn said in an interview.

When DeShawn asked the officers why they were in his home, they pointed at photos of white people hanging on the wall and told him that he was lying.

“I’m feeling comfortable, I had moved into my room, and I’m feeling like I’m loved. And then when they come in and they just profile me and say that I’m not who I am. And that I do not stay here because there was white kids on the wall, that really made me mad,” DeShawn later told reporters.

During the entire altercation, police were shouting profanity at the young man, and pointing multiple guns at his face.  When DeShawn stood firm and insisted that he was in fact in his own home, police attacked him with pepper spray.

When Stacy Tyler came home from work she saw her son DeShawn in the driveway being treated by paramedics for the injuries that police had inflicted.

“My 5-year-old last night, she looked at me and said, ‘Mama I don’t understand why they hated our brother, and they had to come in and hurt him,” Stay Tyler told reporters.

“Everything that we’ve worked so hard for in the past years was stripped away yesterday in just a matter of moments,” father Ricky Tyler added.

The police department has defended their actions, saying that that DeShawn did not obey the officer’s orders to the letter, despite the fact that they were intruders in his home and had no right to be there barking orders at him.

Now this is something to bring attention to.

Yes

This is disgusting.

Mother. Fucking. Pigs.

This made me tear up.

profiling pigs.  No justice for young black men, or even a phone call to his foster parents to ask them.  Cops just think if a young man is black, he’s doing something criminal.

Fucking pigs

blakcparade:

A GUY AT MY SCHOOL IS LITERALLY PUTTING UP POSTERS ADVERTISING THE SKELETON WAR AROUND THE SCHOOL TUMBLR HAS OFFICIALLY MADE ITS WAY INTO MY EDUCATION

blakcparade:

A GUY AT MY SCHOOL IS LITERALLY PUTTING UP POSTERS ADVERTISING THE SKELETON WAR AROUND THE SCHOOL TUMBLR HAS OFFICIALLY MADE ITS WAY INTO MY EDUCATION